“WHAT SIZE IS YOUR LOVE?”

Rev. James Singleton

6/27/10
Luke 7:36-50

Therefore, I tell you, her sins, which were many, have been forgiven; hence she has shown great love. But the one to whom little is forgiven, loves little.

Great love; little love—what is Jesus talking about? I thought love was love. I didn’t know that love came in various sizes. That’s the first surprise in this passage. And the second surprise is what makes love great. What is it that turns little love into great love?

One day Jesus was invited to the house of Simon, a religious leader known as a Pharisee, for a dinner party. Simon was intrigued by Jesus. In his own way, maybe he loved him. Maybe he was a secret follower or at least, admirer. After all, no other Pharisee wanted to be caught dead with Jesus inside of his home. But Simon threw a dinner party in his behalf and invited others to attend in order to better know Jesus.

The dinner party, however, was crashed by an uninvited guest—the town prostitute. This unnamed sinner came sneaking into Simon’s house, knelt at Jesus’ feet, began washing them with her tears and anointing him with her favorite perfume.  

Simon was mortified at her display of passion. No good religious Pharisee would permit such a woman to touch him and he was shocked that Jesus would allow a sinner to make such a commotion over him. It was then that Jesus spoke of the two kinds of love—great and little.

He said that Simon had little love for him. Simon’s love was lukewarm, dispassionate, cordial, controlled. But this woman displayed great love—hot, passionate, emotional, grateful, and extravagant. And what was the reason why her love was great and Simon’s love was little? She knew that she had been forgiven much while Simon didn’t think he had much to be forgiven. It is forgiveness that makes love great.

I don’t know about you, but I find that somewhat surprising. I never thought of great love being a product of forgiveness. When I think of great love, I think of sensuality, compatibility, attractiveness, things in common, shared joys.  

Those are the measurements used by online dating services like eHarmony. I wonder if there is any question on their questionnaire that has to do with forgiveness. It’s when people are mutually attracted to one another, that’s what produces great love, isn’t it? How can forgiveness make love great?

When I think of forgiveness, I think of flaws, shame, things gone wrong, hurt feelings, imperfections. It seems to me that great love is a product of two people who are perfect for one another and little love is when they hurt one another. But Jesus says just the opposite. He says that the great love displayed by the woman is a product of great forgiveness. And when I think about it, I believe he is right.

When I first got married, I thought Jan and I had a great love. After all, we were physically attracted to one another. We had many things in common. She thought I was perfect. And for a while, I did everything in my power not to disillusion her. I was on my best behavior day after day. After all, I didn’t want to do anything to destroy this great love we had. But try as I might, I eventually showed myself to be less than perfect. Far less than perfect.

Over the years I have said things that I shouldn’t have said. I have acted in a manner I should have known better. There have been times when I lost my tempter for no good reason. She has seen parts of my character that I had managed to keep hidden from her when we were dating. She knows me better and deeper than anyone has ever known me. There was even one time when I thought she would be crazy to stay with me. 

And yet, on June 19th we celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary. If I have learned anything over those 34 years of marriage it is that marriage is held together, not just by love, but by forgiveness.

I can honestly say that I love her with a greater love today than I did when we first got married. In fact, when I look back on our beginning years, I didn’t know what great love was, yet. Then love had more to do with infatuation and attraction. Back then there was little to forgive and by comparison to today our love was little love, baby love. But after 34 years of marriage there has been a lot to forgive. When someone is willing to stick with you and forgive you time and again, how can you help but feel great love for that person?

Let me make one word of disclaimer. I am not saying that all marriages can and should be saved if one person just keeps forgiving the other person. Marriage is more complicated than that. Forgiveness is a two way street and forgiveness needs to see change. I am simply saying what Jesus said: forgiveness adds depth and expansion to love.  

Here’s another way to look at this. Take the situation of the troubled child in the family. In many families there is one child who is the wild child. This is the child who is constantly getting into trouble; the child who causes the parents the most grief and heartache; the child whom the parents must forgive seventy times seven.  

And yet, interestingly enough, it is that child who often comes to have a great love for the parents who put up with him, who suffered through trials and tribulations with her, who forgave and stood by his side when there was every reason to wash their hands of him. The other brothers and sisters love the parents, too, but there is a passion, depth, and intensity in the love of the troubled child that is often missing in the others.

(SHOW PICTURE).

I think of Rembrandt’s great painting of the Prodigal Son. The troubled son, the son who took his father’s inheritance and blew it on prostitutes and gambling has come home to beg forgiveness. The father has opened his arms and embraces the son with grace and the son, in turn, embraces his father with passion. By all rights the father should have rejected the son and the son knows it. This is an embrace of great love. 

But notice the elder son, standing on the right, the son who stayed home, the son who has tried to be the good son and who wants his younger brother punished. He stands watching the whole scene with dispassion. You have the feeling that he never embraced his father with such intense love as the younger son is doing. He has never felt a need for the father to forgive him because his pride and arrogance have kept him from seeing his flaws and sins. Great, passionate, embracing love is a product of forgiveness.

REMOVE PICTURE

To forgive someone is to say to that person: “You have done something unspeakable and by all rights I should call it quits between us. Both my pride and my principles demand no less. However, although I make no guarantee that I will be able to forget what you’ve done and though I may carry the scars for life, I refuse to let it stand between us. I still want you in my life.”  

When someone does that for you, how can you not feel great love for that person? When we do that for someone, how can our forgiveness not call forth great love from that person?

Perhaps there is so much little love between people these days because we like to hold grudges and we do so because we demand that people be perfect. Forgiveness shows that we do not expect perfection; we expect mistakes, flaws, pain and hurt because that’s human life.

Recently the world saw an incredible witness to forgiveness and grace from Detroit Tiger’s pitcher Armando Galarraga. A few weeks ago Galarraga was pitching a perfect game, no hits, no walks, no errors against our Cleveland Indians. The perfect game in baseball is a pitcher’s greatest achievement. Few have ever done it.

With only one out to go in the ninth inning, Galarraga pitched to Jason Donald who hit an infield grounder and to all eyes watching Donald was thrown out and Galarraga had his perfect game. Except umpire Jim Joyce saw it differently and called Donald safe, thus spoiling Galarraga’s greatest accomplishment. Later Joyce realized that he had made a terrible mistake. He apologized saying, “I just cost that kid a perfect game.” But that’s not the best part.  

The next day the two teams met again and before the game each team gives the line up card to the home plate umpire, which happened to be Jim Joyce. The Detroit Tigers’ manager asked Galarraga if he wanted to take the card and hand it personally to Joyce and he said he did. When Galarraga handed him the card he shook his hand and Jim Joyce broke down in tears. When asked how he could be so gracious to an umpire who blew his perfect game Galarraga replied: “Nobody’s perfect.” Who do you think is Jim Joyce’s favorite ballplayer?

Forgiveness allows people to be human. It allows us to be imperfect and still maintain our relationship with each other.

Today there are fewer and fewer people who have a deep love for God. Fewer people worship God with each passing generation. God has become a concept to argue and debate about. God is more abstract and distant than a personal Lord and Savior.

At the same time, our concept of sin has become less and less. Sin has become the punch line to a joke. Sin is something people did in olden days, but not what we do today. Taking personal responsibility for actions that harm others and harm ourselves is no longer the norm. I wonder, is there a connection between not seeing our need for forgiveness and our little love for the God who gave his Son to forgive us?

Without a sense of forgiveness, love is stymied, puny, small, reserved. Simon, the Pharisee, with his refusal to accept God’s forgiveness because he believed he was good enough and his unwillingness to give forgiveness because the other wasn’t perfect, is the picture of little love.  

But the sinner woman weeping hot tears of gratitude for God’s grace and for not being held to a standard of perfection is the picture of great love.

When you know that you don’t deserve forgiveness, but are forgiven anyways, you will love greatly the forgiver. When you forgive another for failing to be perfect, you will be greatly loved by the forgiven. Either way, it is forgiveness that makes love great.

What size is your love?

AMEN.