“CHOSEN FOR FRIENDSHIP”

Rev. James Singleton

6/6/10
John 15:12-17

Two men were traveling in company through a forest, when all at once, a huge bear crashed out of the brush near them. One of the men, thinking only of his safety, climbed a tree. The other, unable to fight the beast alone, threw himself on the ground and lay still, as if he were dead. He had heard that a bear will not touch a dead body.

It must have been true, for the bear sniffed at the man’s head awhile, and then, seeming to be satisfied that he was dead, walked away. The man in the tree climbed down and said, “It looked as if that bear whispered something in your ear. What did he tell you?”

“He said,” answered the other, “that it was not at all wise to keep company with a fellow who would desert his friend in a moment of danger.” So goes the wisdom of an Aesop fable.

How true it is that we must be careful who we choose as our friends. A friend is someone who should be reliable and who doesn’t disappoint us. Some sayings about friendship that I found on the internet are: “The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you’ve had”(unknown); “A friend smiles at you and means it” (unknown).

In other words, if we are going to allow someone to get close enough to us to be called our friend, we must make certain that we can count on that person through thick and thin; we must be sure that they are the right kind of person that will always make us smile or feel cozy and comfortable or stand by us no matter what. Friends are hard to come by.

If only Jesus had been told Aesop’s fable as a child maybe he would not have said what he said, when he said it. “You are my friends,” he said to the disciples. “I chose you.” How beautiful and innocent sounding those words are. Jesus chose his disciples to be his friends. It brings a smile to our face. What a nice thing to say.

If only he would have said it in chapter two or three and not here in chapter fifteen! If only he would have said it at the beginning of their relationship when he first called them, before he knew them so very well and before everything had gone too far.

We fail to understand the significance and power of these words if we do not see that they come at the end of his life, on the last night he will spend with his disciples. Already, one of them is on his way to the High Priest to betray him. And there, by candlelight, he stares into the faces of the remaining eleven.

He sees faces he knows he will not see when he looks for them from the cross because they will desert him. He sees eyes that are dim because they do not understand him completely and have not fully appreciated him.

Time and again these men of little faith have disappointed him. They have criticized him, questioned his judgment, been deaf to his teachings, blind to his miracles, and now, gathered together for the last time, Jesus sums up his relationship with them by saying from his heart—“You are my friends.”

The word “friend” has never taken on such a powerful meaning before. This is not sappy friendship about smiling or sitting on a porch swing together. This is friendship that is gritty and tested and which has overcome a great deal.

What Jesus said to the disciples that night he says to us today: “You are my friends. I choose you” Do you hear the gospel behind those words?

We, who have continually tried God’s patience; we who have prayed the words, “forgive me” more times than we can count; we who have been half hearted in our faith and faithfulness; we who have doubted more than we have believed, worried more than we have trusted, failed in love more than we have succeeded—to us he says, “You are my friends. I choose you.”

He really should be more careful who he chooses as his friends! When it comes to friendship, Jesus does not seem to exercise a great deal of caution. He chooses us to be his friends, regardless of who we are or what we have done, provided that we do one thing.

Ah, here comes the proverbial catch. What must I do to be called your friend, Jesus? It is this: we must pass on his friendship to others. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you…You are my friends if you do what I command you.” In other words, we are to be as reckless in who we call our friends as Jesus is.

For if the only people we are going to call our friends are people who live up to our expectations; people who never hurt us or let us down; people who never complicate or confuse our lives—then we will never know true friendship Jesus style.

Our natural tendency is to be friends with someone until he or she fails to please us in one way or another. And then we throw them away as a friend. How easily we throw away friends.

When I was in college I found a best friend. He was my roommate my freshman year. We were friends and we promised each other one day that we would be friends forever. He was going into medicine and I was going into law. We understood each other. We could talk about anything and we had both lapsed in our faith.

He continued on his track for medical school but my track got derailed in law school when I felt called by God to enter into the ministry. That decision changed everything. When I entered into seminary, his correspondence was noticeably reduced. Then one day he said he was coming up for a visit. He came and we talked but there was thick tension in the air.

Finally, as we stood in the parking lot and he prepared to leave, he said, “I can’t be your friend anymore. I don’t understand you.” And he left. I never saw him again.

He was not willing to accept me for who I was. He had a narrow view of what I was supposed to be and when I didn’t fit that, he could not adjust. He was willing to throw away our friendship rather than try to understand me.

When Jesus says that friends should be willing to lay down their lives for one another he is saying that friendship should not be fickle. Friendship should be tougher than that. It should withstand disappointments, wrongs, and misunderstandings. It should be able to stand up and confront without fear of separation. It should be able to judge without fear of reprisal. It should be willing to bend and stretch in order to accept someone we refuse to throw away.

All of this may seem like an odd sermon topic to welcome you, Nancy, into your new ministry here at First Christian Church, but I think it is most appropriate. You are at the beginning of what we hope to be a long and cherished friendship with us. Here you are pastor and friend. So what does that mean?

In the context of this passage, it means, first of all, that it is unrealistic of us to lay upon you the expectations that you will be perfect and never disappoint any of us or that we will never disappoint you. It would be simplistic and naïve to say to you that the future will bring only an experience of continuous bliss.

There will be times of ease and times of strain; there will be times when you are understood and times when you are misunderstood. That is the nature of a pastor’s relationship with a congregation, even when that pastor is a friend.

But this is our promise to you: We will not let you fail and no matter whether the times are easy or difficult, regardless of whether they are smooth or rough, regardless of whether we understand you or you puzzle us, you are our friend and our friendship is not fickle. We choose you because Christ chose you and the friendship we offer is as steadfast as his.

Our friendship is not dependent upon you always pleasing us or us always pleasing you. Sometimes we must admonish one another, like Jesus admonished his disciples on numerous occasions.

Sometimes we must put up with one another, like Jesus endured his disciples’ shortcomings. Our friendship is not an inch thick; our friendship is deep, wide and abiding.

God has chosen us to be with one another and called us to love one another as we are loved, to forgive one another as we are forgiven, and to grace one another as we are graced. Together we will bear the fruit that lasts—the fruit that comes from the tree of Christian friendship.

An ancient teacher once asked his pupils how to tell when the night had ended and a new day was dawning. “Could it be,” asked one student, “when you can see an animal in the distance and tell whether it is a sheep or a dog?”

“No,” said the teacher.

“Could it be,” asked another, “when you can look at a tree and tell whether it is a fig or a peach tree?”

“No,” answered the teacher.

“Well, how can you tell when the night has ended and a new day is dawning?” they demanded.

“It is when you look on the face of any man or woman and can see that you are looking at the face of a friend. Because if you cannot do this, no matter what time it is, it is still night.”

Nancy, we can tell a new day is dawning here at First Christian Church because when we look upon your face we see the face of a friend. To be a friend as Jesus is a friend is the greatest gift we can offer to you.

In fact, such friendship is the greatest gift we can offer to anyone. So the question that remains is this: Who, in your life, needs to be reassured that he or she is still your friend? 

AMEN.