6/22/08                                                                                                        MATTHEW 10:24-31

THE LESSONS OF REJECTION

Rev. James Singleton

It has happened so often in my life that I can’t remember the first time it happened. It was probably when I was a kid and two of the neighborhood athletes were picking who they wanted on their teams for a neighborhood basketball game and I was the last one left unpicked. That may have been the first time I felt rejected.

But that feeling would return many times, especially from girls. I would finally work up the nerve to ask a girl out on a date and she would reply: “Let’s just be friends” or “I’m not attracted to you in that way” or “I think of you as a brother.” They all add up to the same thing—rejection.

Then there were those letters I received from colleges informing me that I didn’t qualify to be admitted into their prestigious university. What do we call those letters? Rejection letters.

I’ve had credit cards rejected in stores and restaurants because of some snafu which is always a humiliating experience.

I had college friend of mine reject me when I decided to enter into the ministry. He said that he didn’t understand my decision and he could no longer be my friend.

I wrote a poem once in a moment of creativity about the disciple Peter trying to warm his cold soul by a fire after denying Jesus. I sent it off to the Disciple Magazine, the magazine of my own denomination. They sent me a letter saying that they didn’t have room in their upcoming issues to publish it but they would keep it on file. It’s been 26 years in their files. I’m beginning to feel rejected.

Before I came to Wadsworth, I interviewed with three other churches and was certain that they would fall all over themselves to get me. After weeks of no return phone calls I thought there was something wrong with our telephone lines. Eventually I had to face the truth—those churches rejected me.

Over the years there have been visitors to our church who have come and gone never to return because they rejected something about me.

There have been members leave because they got upset with me over one thing or another—rejected again.

I know many of you have experienced rejection in worse ways than I have.

Some of you have been rejected for a job or promotion because of the color of your skin or gender.

Some of you have been rejected from leadership positions or honors because you didn’t have the right connections.

Some of you have been rejected by your spouse because he found someone younger.

I could go on and on. There are few experiences in life that are more painful than rejection. I hate it because I so love pleasing people and I want everyone to love me all the time and it hurts to discover that that is not the case. And I fear rejection because it makes me feel like such a failure.

When we are rejected we assume that it is because we are faulty or even worthless. If we were of more value, more attractive, more intelligent, more whatever, then we would not have been rejected. We would have been picked! But since I wasn’t picked, then it must be me. There must be something wrong with me. And that often times leads people to lash out at others in anger and at themselves in disappointment.

Just last year Matthew Murray, 24 years old, took a gun with him into a Denver Christian youth mission and church where he killed four young people and then killed himself. In a letter he left behind he ranted about being “rejected, abused, and suffocated by Christianity.” Rejection wounded him deeply and so he lashed out in anger at others and in anger at himself. Isn’t rejection at the root of most of the killing/suicides we read about?

Rejection is a powerful and painful experience and that’s why we so fear it. And for we who are disciples of Jesus it puzzles us.  Shouldn’t someone who has faith in Jesus be appreciated for who we are and valued for what we have to contribute? Shouldn’t life be easier than it is for we who follow the one who loves the whole world?

Our passage of Scripture is a sobering dose of reality. It says that we disciples should not expect to be treated any differently than our Lord was treated when he walked upon this earth. A disciple is not above the teacher…it is enough for the disciple to be like the teacher…If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul (or the Devil), how much more will they malign those of his household!

This passage reminds us first of all that even the best among us was rejected. Before Jesus was ridiculed and killed, he was first rejected by his own hometown, the only place it is recorded that he could do not miracles because they refused to believe in him.

He was rejected by his own religious leaders who refused to see him for who he was and accept his words as the truth.

He was rejected by his own disciples who betrayed him and denied him.

He was rejected by the very ones he came to save who changed their shouts from Hosanna to Crucify! In fact, Jesus suffered so much rejection that early Christianity attributed the line from the Prophet, Isaiah 53:3, as pertaining specifically to Jesus—“He was despised and rejected by others: A man of suffering and acquainted with grief.”

From our passage this morning we learn that rejection is inevitable. If it happened to Jesus then we who follow Jesus cannot expect to be treated any differently. But because rejection happened even to Jesus we learn several important lessons about it.

First of all, rejection is not necessarily evidence that we are wrong or defective. Like Jesus, we can be rejected and right at the same time. A young person who refuses to be pressured into sex or drinking or drugs by his or her peers will be rejected but rejected because of making the right choice!

Whenever we stand up for what we believe in and refuse to back down regardless of the consequences, we will suffer from rejection by those who don’t see what we see or understand what we understand or believe what we believe. But their rejection does not mean we are wrong in what we see or understand or believe.

Sometimes we are rejected because we are wrong and so we always need to examine ourselves and be ready to repent. But sometimes we are rejected because we are right. In either case, we need to remember that Jesus did not fear rejection or try to avoid it. He stood for what he believed in and accepted the consequences knowing that rejection could not destroy him. Neither can it destroy those who follow him.

Another lesson we learn about rejection is that because it happened to Jesus it shows us that we can be rejected and be of worth at the same time. Rejection by people does not equate into rejection by God. The cross showed that Jesus was rejected by the greatest religious and political organizations of his time, but the resurrection revealed that he was not rejected by God.

If God is for us, what does it matter who is against us? I would rather have God with me and a thousand against me than a thousand with me and God against me. Not even Goliath could prevail against David because David had God with him. You have God with you, so what can another do against you that is of more significance that what God can do for you?

If it is true that God can use all things to our good, then since God is with us that means that God can even use our rejections to our good! In truth we see that if Jesus was not rejected, the world would never have known the love and grace of God or the salvation that overcomes sin and death.

When I look at my own life I can see that if I had not been rejected by certain colleges and certain girls, I would never have been at the right place at the right time to meet the love of my life. If I had not been rejected by other churches I would never have had the opportunity to come to First Christian in Wadsworth. Sometimes rejection can be the best thing that happens to us because God is with us.

Jesus says that not a sparrow falls to the earth without the Father’s knowledge and presence. And if God cares that much about little birds and knows that intimately about their lives, how much more does God care about our lives when we fall to earth from rejection?

Rejection usually happens because we decide to take risks and be vulnerable with other people. Rejection happens because we truly care about someone or truly care about an issue or truly feel called to a position and we try for it.

You stick your neck out, you make your feelings known, and you give it your all. And when you are rejected, it is a painful experience. That’s why some people who have loved and lost vow never to love again. It is too painful. But people who stop risking rejection miss the purpose of life. Being accepted by others, which we so cherish and value, is not the ultimate goal in life. If that were the case, then Jesus was a miserable failure.

No, the ultimate goal in life is to do God’s will and God’s will always involves the risk of love and the risk of standing against the crowd. And if rejection results from trying to love another or from trying to stand up for what we believe in, then so be it. 

We are reminded today that rejection is a normal part of life. But we also learn that just because others reject us, that does not mean that we are wrong and it certainly doesn’t mean we are worthless because God never rejects those who acknowledge Him.

It is the deepest mystery of our faith that God’s love was expressed ultimately in the event of Jesus’ worst rejection—his crucifixion. It just goes to show that God’s greatest successes can come out of our worst failures because God sees us when we fall and loves us too much to leave us there on the ground. If only we are patient enough we will eventually see God use our rejections to lead us into new paths and bless us in new ways.

I still hate rejections, but I will no longer fear them or allow them to determine my worth. For the One who accepts me is of more significance and influence to my life than all of those who reject me put together.

How does today’s Word affect how you think and feel about your rejections?

AMEN.